My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
You made out with two different species that night
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
