I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
