can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
