I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I just saw a hot homeless man
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
