Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30