This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize