you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
