I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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