we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Mom said you looked used
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
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