His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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