Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
