And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
