It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
