he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
