i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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