That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize