You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
