The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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