My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize
