He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
organizing the empties. That sober.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
