They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
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