You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
