Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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