I feel great
I just peed on a car
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
