If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I pour the whiskey from now on
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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