Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
