I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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