TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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