I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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