did you get engaged???
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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