accomplished twins. life is a go
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
