i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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