Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
