dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
