woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Randomize
