I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
