The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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