somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
