I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
being pregnant is like rehab
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
