You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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