Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
