Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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