I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
