i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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