It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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