I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
You are a genius and a whore.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
