Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
