Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
