Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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