i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
