How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
