well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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