We need to start having sex underwater more often.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
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One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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