I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
