I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
