I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
