you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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