Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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