So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
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I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
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How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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