my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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