Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
