He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
