I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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