I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
