I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
