I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
