As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
