It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
