I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Randomize
