A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
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