yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
