dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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